The One That Got Away

My baby love  Alexandrathe One's that got away 2The One That Got Away

Perfect girl at the wrong time in life. It’s all about the timing!

Penny was my first true love. I was a decade older and much more experienced than she. Our first year together was the most romantic time of our lives. We just connected, deeply, and the memory of that year kept us together through the later years. We both thought we would go back to that special time, but we never did.

I was working with the Colombia Cartel when we met. To be honest, I was not supposed to fall in love. I had a plan. I was making a million dollars, then getting out. I should have known that would fail.

Penny eventually found out about my drug trade and, as you’ll read in the book, she accepted me for who I was.

She thought that after I finished as a CI (confidential informant) with the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) that our lives would be the same, but it wouldn’t, because I’m a marked man. We had a little girl to think of. I had to protect her and all of my children. I was afraid to even take them to the ice cream parlor for fear of someone taking a shot at me.

I wanted Penny and our daughter, Alexandria, to move with me far away from Miami, but Penny wasn’t mature to understand how deep and dangerous the situation was. She wouldn’t come. She said, “I am not leaving my family.” I thought I was her family.

Eventually, I had a breakdown, as I talked about last time, and I left Miami. It killed me to go, but if I had stayed in Miami, I would be dead.

Excerpted from my forthcoming memoir, The Baggage Handler.

Alex, all of this is Daddy’s fault. I’m totally responsible for not being in your daily life. I’m truly sorry, my angel, please forgive me! You’ll forever be my princess.

In honor and respect of my daughter, Alexandra, this blog is dedicated to her.

PS. That’s me in the picture. (JJ) The Baggage Handler!

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22 Responses to The One That Got Away

  1. ladysighs says:

    Thanks for visiting my blog. You certainly have had more life experiences than most of us.
    I hope your book does well.

  2. This takes courage to talk about; thank you for visiting my blog!

  3. Baxterwrites says:

    Your intensity is tangible. Wow.

  4. factorymaid says:

    Emotional and realistic. Your daughter is adorable. I look forward to reading more.

  5. Best of luck with your memories. Thanks for following my blog at NotebookM.

  6. I’m truely sorry that you can’t be with your daughter. Daughters need their daddys as I’m unfortunatley finding out how much a divorce has affected my daughter. I had no idea how badly we, my ex husband and I, had emotionally hurt our daughter. We’re seeing a Christian therapist and that is helping alot with the pain and anger she has bottled up inside. So I pray that you can connect with your little girl and love her and be there for her because children need their parents so much. More than we think they do. We want to believe they can be strong and independent but that’s not true. They need you to be there, love them, play with them, be involved, show you care and it has to be done on a daily basis. I didn’t know that and now I’m picking up the pieces with my little girl who is now 14 years old. I’ve been there all her life, working, clothing her and feeding her and still managed to neglect her emotionally. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or bad but I do pray that somehow God gets involved in your situation with your daughter and both of you can somehow be together. God bless you and the work that you do. And thank you for following my blog.

  7. Thanks for following! Great blog 🙂

  8. Thanks for dropping by “Honey” again. My husband just read this last post with me. We are both wondering, are you for real?

  9. She’s ADORABLE! I’m sure she knows how much you love her, and someday, hopefully, she will understand why you couldn’t be there, physically, with her. Sending Prayers!!

  10. zionfeirme says:

    Thank you for dropping by and following my blog: zionfeirme@wordpress.com. I am now hooked, reading about a view into your life. I am sad with you and pray for you and your family. I hope you are able to continue to write and to your daughter, even if it is a collection of letters over time held together by a ribbon… Looking forward to reading more of your writings. Thank you for writing so that some of can see the rest of the world, just as we share life on Z Farm…

  11. Thanks for visiting our blog! I wish you the best of luck with everything. Your blog is extremely interesting, and I look forward to reading more posts!

  12. Thanks for writing such an insightful blog post. After viewing it, I really stepped away with more knowledge then I held previously.

  13. wildinvirginia says:

    Wow. Just that.

    • J J Gonzalez says:

      Thank you for all your beautiful Comments. I’ll always keep them in my heart
      God Bless you…..your friend……….JJ

      • wildinvirginia says:

        Anyone who opens their heart and speaks as honestly and openly as you do about something most people have an opinion on but no knowledge of, is to be admired. Your novel vastness capacity to reach and teach people in ways that a hundred ‘expert’ documentaries couldn’t. Well done you for doing it and I hope you and your family are now safe and stay that way.

  14. Very emotional… You speak from the heart. This post gave me inspiration this morning. Stay safe! By the way, very adorable daughter!

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