James Gonzalez has passed away on December 21, 2013

To All the Bloggers,

James Gonzalez has passed away on December 21, 2013. He died of pneumonia. He will be missed very much. We pray he is now in the Glory of God.

Thank you all for being supportive. We hope his book gets published and everyone will read his story.

Posted in Uncategorized

Leaving Miami

When I started working with the DEA, I really tried to change my ways. But I kept finding myself in the same dark place with the same people, doing the exact same things (drinking and drugs), which were leading me to the brink of death.

I knew I had a good soul, but I was easily influenced by the world I lived in. With nothing or no one to lean on, I realized that I had to do something dramatic to save myself.

I also knew that I couldn’t defeat my demons in one day, that to do so wouldn’t be a sprint, but an old-fashioned marathon.

In 2007, the DEA saw that I was struggling after learning about the rape of my daughter, which had occurred the year before, and they released me. I had another six months until the statute of limitations was up on my drug case, but they let me go with their good wishes for my emotional health.

Then I made the hardest decision of my life. I knew that I needed to get out of Miami, that it was literally killing me, and I asked my wife Penny to please, let’s go. Let’s get out of Miami. But she didn’t want to leave her parents. She wouldn’t go.

So I decided to leave Miami without her and without my kids.

This tore at me, especially leaving my little muffin, my youngest daughter. My other daughers and sons were big enough to handle the distance, I thought.

I beat myself up about that decision all the time, but the truth is, like the flight attendant says, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can assist another, even your own child.

I can’t say that things improved much when I settled in the north. My health got worse. I’ve dealt with one thing after another over the years since I moved away, including anxiety attacks, panic attacks, major depression, seizures, you name it. I’ve been on a roller coaster ride for almost a decade. It seemed that everything I did still went terribly wrong.

I call it karma as I believe that I deserved it. I pray, like with the DEA, to be released from that soon.

Things are looking up. The seeds that I’ve been planting for years are beginning to sprout. The way I act and feel today is different.

I recently visited my favorite aunt and uncle in Miami, and they had so much love for me. It’s really amazing to feel true love. I have mentor/sisters who are just amazingly spiritual, incredible women. Love has come knocking on my heart again. I have great and responsible friends, who are my brothers. I have found my tranquility, and a patient inner peace.

And I have you. I have so appreciated your feedback and support. Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my healing.

Video | Posted on by

Parental Guidance

pg-rating-clip-art

Parental Guidance

PG stands for Parental Guidance suggested, which is a guideline from the movie industry, letting parents know that they might want to pay a little extra attention to whether their child should watch the film. In real life parenting, there are very few guidelines. As they say, no one gets a guidebook when their child is born. Love, common sense, and the role modeling of one’s own parents provide the only roadmap. When those elements are missing or skewed, the children suffer, and so do the generations down the line.
My parents were not good role models as parents, in fact, there wasn’t much parenting going on at all. Without going into the details right now, let me just say that I never would do to my children what my parents did to me.
Don’t get me wrong. I made many mistakes, as a recent visit from my oldest son made painfully clear. But I did try to be a good parent. I don’t know that my own parents can say that—or would say that, if they were being honest.
My first marriage ended in a nasty divorce. The details are in my memoir, but, basically, to end the battle and keep a home for our children, I signed the divorce papers without reading them. This was foolish because it gave my ex 80% of my income, as well as the house, actions that eventually led me to make an even more foolish decision to smuggle drugs through Miami International Airport. I chose a short-term peace for a long-term nightmare and train wreck.
When my son visited this month, I was so happy just to be a dad again. For the first few days, we just shared good times together, and then we had a heart-to-heart. He had a lot of issues, and he was hurt. Yes, his mother made it hard for me to be a father—for instance, by refusing to get a job so that I could quit one of my two full-time jobs in order to spend some time with the kids as well.
After the divorce, though, it was mostly on me. I was using drugs and smuggling drugs, and I wasn’t there for my kids. I should’ve been there! But I stood away! Looking back, I think I was ashamed of myself and my behavior, and I didn’t want them to suffer like I had when I was a child, by exposing them to alcohol and drugs. Of course, the answer was to STOP the behaviors, get help for my addiction, and be there for them. To really put them first.
Some things in life, you just cannot fix. There’s nothing I can do now but take responsibility for my actions, try to make amends, pray that my children forgive me, and hope that they can be better parents to their own offspring.

Posted in ABC news, Acceptanve, Actors, Adverting, African American writers, Alarming, America, Ana Curry, Anderson Cooper, Argentina, Australia, Beauty, Blogging, books, Books Reviews, Brad Pitt, Brail, break the chain, Britain, Bruce Willis, California, Canada, Canadian Book, CBS news, Chicago, Childhood, China, Civil Rights, Clint Eastwood, CNN news, Coming Out, Cooking, craft, Crime, Crime/Drama, criticism, Culture, Current Events, DEA, Demographics, Denmark, Denver, Denzel Washington, Depression, Di Caprio, Drug Bust, Dwayne Johnson, Egypt, Ellen Degenenes, Emotion, England, English Literature, Entertainment, Ethics, Event, Faith, Fashion, FBI, Film, Filmmaking, Firstpost, Five-Minute-friday, Fox news, France, free=write-friday, Friday, George Clooney, Gerald Butler, Germany, Globalization, God, Grief, Growing Up, Happy Friday, Headlines, International Affairs, Internet, Ireland, Italy, James Cameron, Japan, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Journalism, Kevin Costner, language, Lgbt, Life, Literary Agents, Literature, long story, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Manners, Mark Wahlberg, Marketing, Matt Damon, Media, Medicine, Memior, Men, montreal, Moscow, Motivation, Movie, Movies, Music, NBC news, networking, neuroscience, New York City, New Zealand, News, Norway, Phillippines, Pitt Bull, Politics, Postaday, publishers, Publishing, Reading, Religion, San Francisco, shortstory, Social Media, Spain, Spirituality, Starbuck, storytelling, Sweden, Television, The new york times, Tourism, Travel, truth& Rumors, Turkey, Uncategorized, unresolved grief, wall street journal, Weekday, Weekend, Wine, Women, Work, Writing | 1 Comment

Special Agent Johnny.. My handler

ap_Dea_drug_trafficking_thg_120622_wg

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to introduce you to the cast of characters in my forthcoming book about my years as a drug smuggler and then a confidential informant for the DEA. (To protect their identity their names have been changed.)

“Johnny” was one of my two handlers at the DEA. That means he was responsible for supervising me. He really took me under his wing and wanted me to succeed. That may sound funny to you, but it’s true.

I always want to do my best no matter who I am working with. Johnny saw that in me, and he and everyone at the DEA really showed me how to be a better man. I’m grateful to them for that.

Johnny is an undercover agent. He’s the guy who wears a ski mask when the
news cameras come out to hide his identity.

The ladies loved Johnny, because he looked like the actor Johnny Depp, but he was a loyal family man. He liked the heat of the moment, the action. He was confident, street smart, well trained. He was as serious as you can be, but he was a prankster as well.

I once asked him, “Why the pranks?”

He said, “Our job is very dangerous. Humor makes the moment more bearable!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming memoir, The Baggage Handler.

Posted in ABC news, Acceptanve, Actors, Adverting, African American writers, Alarming, America, Ana Curry, Anderson Cooper, Argentina, Australia, Beauty, Blogging, books, Books Reviews, Brad Pitt, Brail, break the chain, Britain, Bruce Willis, California, Canada, Canadian Book, CBS news, Chicago, Childhood, China, Civil Rights, Clint Eastwood, CNN news, Coming Out, Cooking, craft, Crime, Crime/Drama, criticism, Culture, Current Events, DEA, Demographics, Denmark, Denver, Denzel Washington, Depression, Di Caprio, Drug Bust, Dwayne Johnson, Egypt, Ellen Degenenes, Emotion, England, English Literature, Entertainment, Ethics, Event, Faith, Fashion, FBI, Film, Filmmaking, Firstpost, Five-Minute-friday, Fox news, France, free=write-friday, Friday, George Clooney, Gerald Butler, Germany, Globalization, God, Grief, Growing Up, Happy Friday, Headlines, International Affairs, Internet, Ireland, Italy, James Cameron, Japan, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Journalism, Kevin Costner, language, Lgbt, Life, Literary Agents, Literature, long story, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Manners, Mark Wahlberg, Marketing, Matt Damon, Media, Medicine, Memior, Men, montreal, Moscow, Motivation, Movie, Movies, Music, NBC news, networking, neuroscience, New York City, New Zealand, News, Norway, Phillippines, Pitt Bull, Politics, Postaday, publishers, Publishing, Reading, Religion, San Francisco, shortstory, Social Media, Spain, Spirituality, Starbuck, storytelling, Sweden, Television, The new york times, Tourism, Travel, truth& Rumors, Turkey, Uncategorized, unresolved grief, wall street journal, Weekday, Weekend, Wine, Women, Work, Writing | 11 Comments

Special Agent David My Handler

Special Agent david

The Cast of Characters
David was my other DEA handler.
David was an investigator. He gathered the facts and administered the cases I helped with. Don’t get me wrong, he was as tough as they come.
David chewed tobacco and listened to country music and, yes, drove a pick-up truck. He was a good ol’ boy — with a military background.
A natural leader, he was very professional and a nutcracker, if you know what I mean. He was tall and slim and looked a little like David Morse, the actor, but with less hair. Yes, at times I felt as though I were in a movie, but with no retakes!
The very week I became an informant for the DEA, David received the top cop award — DEA Special Agent of the Year!
At first David was not responsive to me — I was just another CI. But as we worked together to bring in serious cases, and he saw my will to do the right thing, he lightened up. We even became good friends. David is a supervisor now.  I once asked David, “What did you do to earn such a prestigious award?”
David replied, “I did my job!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming memoir, The Baggage Handler.

Posted in ABC news, Acceptanve, Actors, Adverting, African American writers, Alarming, America, Ana Curry, Anderson Cooper, Argentina, Australia, Beauty, Blogging, books, Books Reviews, Brad Pitt, Brail, break the chain, Britain, Bruce Willis, California, Canada, Canadian Book, CBS news, Chicago, Childhood, China, Civil Rights, Clint Eastwood, CNN news, Coming Out, Cooking, craft, Crime, Crime/Drama, criticism, Culture, Current Events, DEA, Demographics, Denmark, Denver, Denzel Washington, Depression, Di Caprio, Drug Bust, Dwayne Johnson, Egypt, Ellen Degenenes, Emotion, England, English Literature, Entertainment, Ethics, Event, Faith, Fashion, FBI, Film, Filmmaking, Firstpost, Five-Minute-friday, Fox news, France, free=write-friday, Friday, George Clooney, Gerald Butler, Germany, Globalization, God, Grief, Growing Up, Happy Friday, Headlines, International Affairs, Internet, Ireland, Italy, James Cameron, Japan, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Journalism, Kevin Costner, language, Lgbt, Life, Literary Agents, Literature, long story, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Manners, Mark Wahlberg, Marketing, Matt Damon, Media, Medicine, Memior, Men, montreal, Moscow, Motivation, Movie, Movies, Music, NBC news, networking, neuroscience, New York City, New Zealand, News, Norway, Phillippines, Pitt Bull, Politics, Postaday, publishers, Publishing, Reading, Religion, San Francisco, shortstory, Social Media, Spain, Spirituality, Starbuck, storytelling, Sweden, Television, The new york times, Tourism, Travel, truth& Rumors, Turkey, Uncategorized, unresolved grief, wall street journal, Weekday, Weekend, Wine, Women, Work, Writing | 7 Comments

“Family’s Award”

wordpress-family-award

Hello, bloggers, it’s been awhile. I hope you all are enjoying your summer.

In the short period of time that I have been on WordPress, I have found a home where I can talk from my heart and not be judged. At the end of the day, we are just human, surrounded by land and water.

It’s such an honor to be nominated for the Family Award. If you know my story, you can imagine that for me to be a part of anything that has to do with “family” is extra special and rewarding.

Thank you for all of your comments and hugs! They are most appreciated and needed.

And a big thank you to Brad Clark at

http://rbclark.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/wordpress-family-award/ for the award. I am grateful. You rock, brother!

When a good thing touches us, we need to pass it forward. So here are my 10 nominees for the Family Award:

Here are the rules and my 10 Nominees:

1 Display the award logo on your blog

2 Link back to the person who nominated you.

3 Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family

4 Let your 10 family members know you have awarded them

5 that’s it, just please pick 10 people who have taken you as a friend, and spread the LOVE

Here are my 10 nominees:

bearspawprint.wordpress.com
charlypriest.wordpress.com
herbirthmarks.wordpress.com
dadialogues.wordpress.com
athletictouch.wordpress.com
wildinvirginia.wordpress.com
loveandanthropology.wordpress.com
faith1stministries.wordpress.com
kimberlyakinola.wordpress.com
knottyp.wordpress.com

Posted in ABC news, Acceptanve, Actors, Adverting, African American writers, Alarming, America, Ana Curry, Anderson Cooper, Argentina, Australia, Beauty, Blogging, books, Books Reviews, Brad Pitt, Brail, break the chain, Britain, Bruce Willis, California, Canada, Canadian Book, CBS news, Chicago, Childhood, China, Civil Rights, Clint Eastwood, CNN news, Coming Out, Cooking, craft, Crime, Crime/Drama, criticism, Culture, Current Events, DEA, Demographics, Denmark, Denver, Denzel Washington, Depression, Di Caprio, Drug Bust, Dwayne Johnson, Egypt, Ellen Degenenes, Emotion, England, English Literature, Entertainment, Ethics, Event, Faith, Fashion, FBI, Film, Filmmaking, Firstpost, Five-Minute-friday, Fox news, France, free=write-friday, Friday, George Clooney, Gerald Butler, Germany, Globalization, God, Grief, Growing Up, Happy Friday, Headlines, International Affairs, Internet, Ireland, Italy, James Cameron, Japan, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Journalism, Kevin Costner, language, Lgbt, Life, Literary Agents, Literature, long story, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Manners, Mark Wahlberg, Marketing, Matt Damon, Media, Medicine, Memior, Men, montreal, Moscow, Motivation, Movie, Movies, Music, NBC news, networking, neuroscience, New York City, New Zealand, News, Norway, Phillippines, Pitt Bull, Politics, Postaday, publishers, Publishing, Reading, Religion, San Francisco, shortstory, Social Media, Spain, Spirituality, Starbuck, storytelling, Sweden, Television, The new york times, Tourism, Travel, truth& Rumors, Turkey, Uncategorized, unresolved grief, wall street journal, Weekday, Weekend, Wine, Women, Work, Writing

“About” The Baggage Handler

about

Why, Do i think I’m the baggage handler.

I made the impossible “EASY” in both Worlds!

Excerpted from the forthcoming memoir, The Baggage Handler.

Posted in ABC news, Acceptanve, Actors, Adverting, African American writers, Alarming, America, Ana Curry, Anderson Cooper, Argentina, Australia, Beauty, Blogging, books, Books Reviews, Brad Pitt, Brail, break the chain, Britain, Bruce Willis, California, Canada, Canadian Book, CBS news, Chicago, Childhood, China, Civil Rights, Clint Eastwood, CNN news, Coming Out, Cooking, craft, Crime, Crime/Drama, criticism, Culture, Current Events, DEA, Demographics, Denmark, Denver, Denzel Washington, Depression, Di Caprio, Drug Bust, Dwayne Johnson, Egypt, Ellen Degenenes, Emotion, England, English Literature, Entertainment, Ethics, Event, Faith, Fashion, FBI, Film, Filmmaking, Firstpost, Five-Minute-friday, Fox news, France, free=write-friday, Friday, George Clooney, Gerald Butler, Germany, Globalization, God, Grief, Growing Up, Happy Friday, Headlines, International Affairs, Internet, Ireland, Italy, James Cameron, Japan, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Journalism, Kevin Costner, language, Lgbt, Life, Literary Agents, Literature, long story, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Manners, Mark Wahlberg, Marketing, Matt Damon, Media, Medicine, Memior, Men, montreal, Moscow, Motivation, Movie, Movies, Music, NBC news, networking, neuroscience, New York City, New Zealand, News, Norway, Phillippines, Pitt Bull, Politics, Postaday, publishers, Publishing, Reading, Religion, San Francisco, shortstory, Social Media, Spain, Spirituality, Starbuck, storytelling, Sweden, Television, The new york times, Tourism, Travel, truth& Rumors, Turkey, Uncategorized, unresolved grief, wall street journal, Weekday, Weekend, Wine, Women, Work, Writing | 2 Comments